Stella's Blog

Meaning of Life

Stella — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 17:56:09 +0000

A few days back in Singapore and I’m not missing SH that much already.
In fact, I find myself weird ‘cos to the extent that I don’t miss coming back home neither do I miss anything about Singapore, I think it’s rather scary. Perhaps 2 weeks was too short for me or perhaps I just wanna escape from everything in Singapore. Work, School and the need to worry about my future, and to a small extent, you. Talking on msn to you would suffice and I didn’t have the urgh to want to see you or anything, relative to what I felt in Spore.Guess that is the power of travelling man hahaha.
I miss…
- bathing late in the night and waiting for my hair to dry while sitting under the heater and chatting over MSN
- the action-packed morning where we have to put our lives on the line(okay exxagerating, the traffic ain’t that bad LOL) to cross the road, where motorcycles have no respect for red light
- the 手抓饼 wrapped with my favourite egg and sausage *loves*
- rubbing furiously against the heatpack to keep our hands warm|
- sleeping and snoring in class(oops I should be guilty abt it huh haha)
- tuning in to the gossipy channels about broken marriages
- yingxu’s classic actions such as slotting in the hotel card into the Metro line card reader LOL
- qisheng’s gaying around with jon fry
- jon fry’s suaning here and there
- laughing here and there like there’s no tmr

and almost everything else there except for the fact that the locals spit almost everywhere(as long as they can find an adjacent corner LOL)

For some odd random reason, I started to think about what I want to achieve in life. All the while what I have been doing was just to go with the flow and do what I should be doing. I believe there is more to life than doing what I should do. Shouldn’t it be doing what I want to do? Hence, I thought that there needs to be a meaning in life. It is passion and a goal in life that keeps us going, if not we would be just like any other one. I am quite sure that when asked what they want to do in life or what’s their goal in life, most would be stumped. Simply because we just do what we have been taught to do w/o giving much thought to what we really want to achieve in life.
Coming this year, although its a tad too late, my new year resolution would be to discover my aim in life. Better late than never. And as of now, I realised that 别人的快乐是我的幸福. This thought just struck me suddenly and I was quite surprised I even took the time to seriously think about it. Like come on, I have been enjoying life. Life has been all about me, myself and I. Isn’t it time to share some of the joy with others? Perhaps its the sense of gratification that I feel when I enable them to achieve smth. Oh but still, my aim in life is still yet to be known.

When I watched the movie Eat, Pray, Love, I thought that lady was mad to give up that man she loved just because her balance in life is no longer there. When I think of it now, I realise that I had underestimated the importance of that balance. It’s similar to the aim in life. Losing the aim in life makes life a living for the sake of it. And so, I finally understood why she was so hesitant to accept him. Oh well, she did accept him in the end, which I thought was quite weird now that I think of it haha.

Not linear

Stella — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 23:09:13 +0000

Gosh I think I am missing out on life this whole sem
Work and projects seriously make the best nightmare semester ever -.- (thank god i had Beer with me and frens to help me out when project group mates were simply S.U.C.K.Y)
Yes, exams just ended ytd but yet the actual sense of satisfaction(or whatever you call it) is much less than what i anticipated. It always happen to me maybe ‘cos I always think I worst than I thought haix
This sem was horrible, didnt had confidence for my papers at all ((
I really hope I can still maintain my grades although my initial aim was to pull my CGPA but i guess my hopes are dashed.welllll we will see then…
At times I feel frustrated that no matter how much hard work you put in, its still the last leap that determines your fate. So yea, is hard work linear to results?
NO, its conditional upon you making the last move right.

Okay, enough of my sulking. I shall enjoy my long-awaited holidays and embrace freedom yeaa : D
Sme thoughts have been going on in my mind but haven’t really got time to pen it down
Shall do it the next time round ‘cos I’m not really in the mood to do so
Merry X’mas in advance! ^^

love not

Stella — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 14:27:40 +0000

honestly speaking, you changed me quite a lot, in terms of the way I think and act
perhaps that’s the influence you have on people around you or am i just easily influenced
perhaps it’s just that friends are inflential on each other and after a certain period of time, both are just similar creatures
am i glad i met you? well yes i would say.
for making me grow up and be independent
you made me strong in a way i didn’t expect
i used to wish there was someone there for me, just like i had you
for now, i have grown out of it

talking about this, i shall boast about the bestest brother i have
he mends my bag when it tears – that i’m very grateful
altho he always uses my itouch to play games, he always dl fun games and breaks all levels and i could have fun playing all levels when i have nth to do
just today, he changed my bedsheet for me while i fell asleep on my desk HAHAHA
seriously i couldn’t ask for a better brother
hello single females out there, my brother is single and i strongly recommend him
if your dont have any idea how he looks like, just take a look at me (:

bee-zee

Stella — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 16:36:17 +0000

okay I have been neglecting this blog for quite some time. It’s not ‘cos I dowanna blog but i cant find the time to.I have my party and my overseas trip to talk about (

anyway, this whole hols seen me busy with birthday parties and internships and what-have-you. It’s really draining to keep everyday filled to the birm, trying to plan this and that for whoever and so on. Yet, at the end of everything, I know it’s all worth it ‘cos the smile from the bottom of their heart is what motivates you to do all that for them.

Been through parties, having one myself and planning for others, it allows me to identify who are your ture frens, those you know will be there for you and those who are there only when there is something for them to benefit from. It’s saddening to realise that there are some who doesn’t appreciate you as much as you do them. Treat girlfriends like you would a boyfriend and you realise, love is always in the air (:

Things aside, recently what people commented about me made me reflect on myself. True that sometimes(or rather many a times), I am very slow to catch what you all are saying and it irritates you. I apologise for that ‘cos that is something I cant change about myself. I can laugh it off at times but still, I am just like you. I feel and it’s really hurting for me to really think that I am dumb and slow. Ya and so what if I am, am I less of a friend just ‘cos I cant be as interesting and fast as the rest of your friends? If so, I don’t need someone like you as my friend.

As we grow up, we see things. Pain makes us grow.I cant help but agree.I’m loving my family more each day ‘cos I know they are the only ones who can accept me for who I am (:

Family

Stella — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 15:11:00 +0000

I realised that reently I haven been able to get along well with my family members, especially when I started work.Not that my internship has anything to do with these problems that I face but it so happens that they coincide.

Just find that I am not able to see eye to eye with them on most issues and so everytime we talk,we end up quarrelling.
From spending sundays at home to a failed family outing to my birthday outings, we seem to have differing views on what is right and wrong. I cant exactly say who is right ‘cos it’s a matter of how we view it.But it just makes me angry we cant agree on things like this. Is it ‘cos Im getting more demanding and less forgiving or that I expect them to go along with me, thinking that they should understand me after living with me for almost 21 years?

Sometimes it makes me so angry I just wanna break off from them and get my own space. I know this is gonna make them sad but yea this is how angry I am with them at times. I know it takes time to understand and all so perhaps, only when I have become a parent like them, I can truely know how they feel.

Frankly speaking, I trust my family less than my friends.Actually nth happened btw us that made me feel this way but it’s that I’m like that. I’m just weird maybe or I guess I’m taking them for granted after many yrs of living together.I hope all this settles down fast.I hate to feel sad gg home or to even hate gg home.I hope one day I can truely feel happy talking to them or even gg home to face them.

In the end

Stella — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 15:35:22 +0000

we all walk alone.

Stella — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 17:46:37 +0000

I thought that you were matured enough but seems that u are nothing short of a small boy
stop acting like a saint when your nth close to it
ultimately, your just trying to be great hurr hurr
your more stubborn? try me man
stop acting like u have power over me ‘cos you don’t
i never knew someone could piss me to this extent
fk u period

Internship

Stella — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 18:57:02 +0000

Today was the best day of my intern ‘cos we had a super long training program and its fridayyyyyyyy TGIF
or maybe not, when 18th June comes, it will be better : D
The command house was the best ever ‘cos i guess it was my first time stepping into a building so grand and it made me feel great i’m interning at my current company
Kudos to HR i guess, with all the interesting programs lined up for us.
It’s a great balance between work and play
Perhaps our company had more interns, there were chances for us to bond together and have fun
In a way, it instilled a sense of belonging to the company and made me feel like continuing my work there
If anything, it was the interns who are the interesting ones who make me feel that going to work is fun ((:

Movie outing with them was great and the best part was Acid Bar
With confessions of who never ever used condoms and crazy dares where we licked noses and ears, the night passed by real fast
And i would dare say
but for your, internship would never be so fun
<3 summer interns 2010

Happpyyy

Stella — Fri, 28 May 2010 16:54:14 +0000

I realise I don’t blog about events as much as I do last time ‘cos I realise there’s not much meaning in doing that.
Doesn’t really matter where I go and all actually ‘cos it’s what I think about stuffs that matter more than what I do I guess.

Nonetheless, I will still talk abt what I do smth HAHA
class outing was fun of cos
it shall be a every friday thing for us to hang out and talk crap and laugh at stupid stuffs (:
seriously, I just hate ppl who just ps last minute
like if there is a valid reason, its okay
being sick and telling ppl just half an hr before the meeting time definitely isn’t a very real valid reason ‘cos I cant figure out anyway how one can be sick just suddenly half hr before -.- unless u sprained your leg on the way here then okay too bad then
i don’t give 2 hoots whether u read this or not anyway
but then again, you dun owe anyone a reason why u wanna ps last minute so ya just fuck it la stella

oh god i need to tell myself to constantly not fall wtshittt
and I was happy to be involved HAHAHA

♥ my bestfren

Stella — Sun, 09 May 2010 14:39:08 +0000

yuann shan says (10:28 PM):
although u don have bf to plan bday for u but u have a best-friend

hahaaha im so touched
so who needs a bf ?